don't let go

So basically, i haven't write in a while so forgive me for my bad grammar. maybe i was too busy with my not so fun life. it took me awhile to think of what to write 'cause i have no idea where to start, what to tell. I've gone bad at writing and I'm sure it's because i didn't really write in my blog anymore. instead, all the stories i wanted to tell stuck in the tiny brain of mine. so enough with the nonsense, thanks for the people that rather read my rants in my humble blog hahaha. okay. lets write something nice. here we go...

im gonna skip here and there about my life and I'm gonna write this one particular thing. 

what if, what if the person you used to loved so much came back to you. what would you do? so you thought you've moved on. and so you thought you could just live your normal life with the person you thought you love. feelings shouldn't be hold back. and i know i've made the right decision to go back to my old love. he's not my old love, i have been loving him too long and i never stop loving him. although i thought i have forget about him. but oh well i don't. lets have a little throwback to when i first know him. we've been classmates since we were 13. he's the most unattractive because he was that short and tiny and most of all, annoying. of course guys grow up later than girls do, so i didn't like him that much. but he was a classmate which make him a friend. and i get to see him grew. and i know who he's been with... i wasn't that close to him but i knew few of his stories. i think we started to be good friends when we were 16-17 (?) and we started to be real close in the middle of the year 2013. maybe i never tell him this, but i think i used to have a crush on him for a while. just for a while tho. you know its weird liking your friend, although he was quite attractive. but hey, he was my classmates and things gonna get weird. BUT, boy was i wrong. we end up texting each other every damn day. and i started liking him. there's something about him that made me liked him. and by june(?) we started dating. but without telling anybody about it. but people end up knowing. you know how high schools are. we dated for a year. there were more downs rather than ups at the 10-12 months of us being together. i continued my studies in Penang and he was in Johor. you know how hard long distances are and i hated it. i hated being apart from him. and well.... something happened and we went our separated ways. i was devastated for quite sometime. and I'm skipping more stories. and few months ago, we started texting each other, again. i wanted him to be my friend, i couldn't walk away from him and i still wanted him to be apart of my life. i thought we were better off as friends. he was with someone else, and so do i. 

but you know the phrase; that people who are meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you no matter how far they are.

and yeah, things didn't work between him and his ex and same goes to me. i tried finding someone that understands me like he does, but none of them are the same as him. he knows me too well, he knows me more than i know myself. i missed him a lot when we were apart. he was always there in my head, and my heart. and i have always pray for him to be mine again. when i was breakdown, all i think was him. how much i wanted him back in my life. how hard my life was without the person that knows me well. i was gonna give up because he was a home to me. he was apart of my life. and now he's back, i can hardly explain how happy i am. how grateful i am to have him in my life. we were kids in love 2 years ago. and now, i can see him growing, and becoming a great guy. we separated for a year, to learn everything and to feel how much we need each other and we couldn't be with a different person. god i see him changed a lot. i am falling for him each day. i can see the efforts he puts. i can see how much he loves me now. oh how i wish i could show u guys how much he changed. and i wanna grow with him. i wanna go through a lot of things with him. and i want him to be in my future too. 

home isn't always a place where you live. a home can be a person whom you go back to. when you study abroad, you wanted to go back to your home. to the familiar places, to the familiar people. and to me, he is my home. where i find comfort, and love. writing about him makes me miss him more. being apart isn't easy, but hey, look who's back being together. i am sure we can go through this again and i hope the same mistakes won't happen again. 66 days left, to meet him again. missing you wasn't easy because i can't find ways to not miss you. but i know its gonna be the best day ever to meet u in 66 days. i know you're going to read this, know that i love you more than i used to. and i hope we didn't have to go through what we go through again. let's forget the past and focus about now and aim for our future. 

again, sorry for the bad grammar...not everyone's gonna like this post but whatever.. 

xoxo