23.13
My writing skill are getting rusty, and i need to fix it back. I usually write on my blog cause raging alone rather than talking to people are easier. i trust few people and not everyone of them could understand how my brain works. I have a lot in my mind but its hard to express it in words, but i'll try. for the sake of writing out my feelings instead of keeping it inside by myself. i have tons of story to tell and i don't know where to start. so maybe i'll write few things each day? we'll see.
someday you'll feel like giving up in life and things seems to work in a very wrong way, it feels like the world puts on a lot of weight on your shoulder. every person walking on this earth seems to be against you. You feel the ache on your chest and all of sudden, tears burst and run through your face. you kept on thinking what did you do wrong to deserve such feelings in such young age. for all the time that people makes you feel small, for all the time you feel like no one understands the things you go through, some may suffer the same things as you do. things are not easy, no matter what people are saying, its your choice to choose wether you need to feel good or simply drown in your own sadness. i didn't say things go the way i want all the time. there were days where i swear i can't take any more of being hurt and alone. there were days where i think of giving up and i didn't want to live in such way anymore. no one understands the pain i go through. the people around would say "you'll be fine", "it may take you time to forget things", "time may heal everything", "be strong" and so many other things. but when, when is the time you'll be fine? how do you forget things when it keeps on haunting you. how can time heal when time is so envy of you. how strong should you be to not feel alone and down? saying these things might be easy for you, unless you suffer the same thing. nothing is easy in making such decision. you can be okay today and the next day you'll be down as fuck. its weird isn't it? why do you have to overthink and be afraid of the same thing over and over again. the more you try the less its working. sometimes its hard to follow your heart. and sometimes things never go the way you want it. things fucked up. // but in the end of the day, there's this one person who enters your life and fix the bruises inside you. the scars and overthinking may remain, but you have a person that carries the weight with you. all the misery in your life will never go away but it will be okay in time. not forever, but a little hope never hurt.
someday you'll feel like giving up in life and things seems to work in a very wrong way, it feels like the world puts on a lot of weight on your shoulder. every person walking on this earth seems to be against you. You feel the ache on your chest and all of sudden, tears burst and run through your face. you kept on thinking what did you do wrong to deserve such feelings in such young age. for all the time that people makes you feel small, for all the time you feel like no one understands the things you go through, some may suffer the same things as you do. things are not easy, no matter what people are saying, its your choice to choose wether you need to feel good or simply drown in your own sadness. i didn't say things go the way i want all the time. there were days where i swear i can't take any more of being hurt and alone. there were days where i think of giving up and i didn't want to live in such way anymore. no one understands the pain i go through. the people around would say "you'll be fine", "it may take you time to forget things", "time may heal everything", "be strong" and so many other things. but when, when is the time you'll be fine? how do you forget things when it keeps on haunting you. how can time heal when time is so envy of you. how strong should you be to not feel alone and down? saying these things might be easy for you, unless you suffer the same thing. nothing is easy in making such decision. you can be okay today and the next day you'll be down as fuck. its weird isn't it? why do you have to overthink and be afraid of the same thing over and over again. the more you try the less its working. sometimes its hard to follow your heart. and sometimes things never go the way you want it. things fucked up. // but in the end of the day, there's this one person who enters your life and fix the bruises inside you. the scars and overthinking may remain, but you have a person that carries the weight with you. all the misery in your life will never go away but it will be okay in time. not forever, but a little hope never hurt.
I'm trying, for whatever reason, I am trying my best. every part of me says go ahead. I have hopes in everything I'm doing right now. although at times ((maybe most of the time)) i feel like giving up in life. things are not easy these past few weeks and i miss a lot of people back home and every single time when i feel like giving up and wanting to go back to them, i remember someone advices me about whats the point of having a holiday when you didn't work hard before it. working hard right now and getting reward at the end of the day are the best things in life. I'm looking forward to go back home and spend my days with my kind of vibes and my circles of friends&family. despite all the hardship I'm going through here, i know when I'm back, i'll be with such great people. home is the best place to be, and with great people it becomes momentous.
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