ruined

things does not go the way you always wanted. you may think everything is alright but notice how people slowly drifting away from you? i need you to notice how much i miss you. how i wanted you to show how much you miss me too. how i feel so lonely this past few days. people saw me smiling but nobody really knows what i feel inside. i have no one to talk to because it seems like everyone is so busy with their life that they didn't notice me washing away. reasons why i always keep things to myself, they think I'm a cry baby and that i hate being around people, so i rather cry myself to sleep and not hurting anyone. they told me everything works out in the end. 

the only thing that keeps on playing in my mind is him, everytime when i needed someone, or when i feel so alone or just feeling down, i'll just think about him even though i didn't really tell him whats going on in my mind. i know how both of us is too busy, especially him so i have to pretend like I'm busy too. Idk why but i feel I'm at my lowest point right now but maybe its just in my head. curiosity doesn't kill, but overthinking does. i keep on expecting things but in the end it hurt me much more than i thought. its pulling me and I'm slowly drowning. i hope you know how i feel, I'm bad at explaining and i miss you so badly. that i keep on thinking about you before i shut my eyes every night.  maybe its just me. maybe i am the one who is making things up. maybe this is me becoming who i was before. the person you left a long time ago. maybe i haven't change. maybe i fuck things up again. maybe, I'm the one who ruin us.